Six Essential Do’s & Dont’s With Your Nanny
The Family/Nanny relationship is one that goes both ways
Whether you are new to having a nanny or this isn’t your first rodeo, navigating a happy and healthy relationship with your nanny is essential but can also be difficult at times.
It’s a pretty complicated relationship if you think about it… While it’s a professional position, it’s also a personal relationship and those lines are not always clear cut. There is a lot of grey area when it comes to having an in-home caregiver so let’s start with some basic ground rules that may sound obvious but can be overlooked on a day in and day out basis.
After all, if your nanny is happy, the kids are happy and so are you.
6 THINGS YOU SHOULD ALWAYS DO WITH YOUR NANNY
Pay your nanny on-time, every time. It’s important to always pay your nanny as per the agreed terms in your contract.
If you will be late, let her know. Just like you’d expect your nanny to be on-time or call if she’ll be late, she expects the same. Give a quick phone call or text if you’ll be late returning home.
Be specific. Be detailed and specific about job responsibilities. In the agreement, there should be a list of requirements and job duties, be specific with the list. Detail each thing that should be done and how.
Give praise and open feedback. If you enjoy the way your nanny is handling your children, offer positive feedback. If there are areas where your nanny needs improvement, let her know with gentle constructive criticism.
Give notice of changes. If there is a change in your family’s schedule, let your nanny know as soon as possible. This lets her prepare for the new schedule and changes.
Be generous, compassionate and thoughtful. Isn’t this the key to ALL successful relationships! How would any partnership thrive without these three components? If you feel your nanny has gone above and beyond, make sure she knows how much you appreciate her hard work. Put yourself in her shoes when making decisions that will affect her and her livelihood and take the time to let her know how special she is. I promise it will be returned 10 fold if you practice all of the above!
6 THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO WITH YOUR NANNY
Now for the don’ts. It’s with a heavy heart that I write these. For more than a decade I have seen these partnerships thrive or dive and trust me, it’s a lot easier to be a great employer than deal with the fall out of a relationship gone bad.
Now I just sound like a therapist but in a way, that is a part of what I do for families and nannies alike. I help them see the other person’s perspective.
Whether it is a nanny who is craving mutual respect or a parent venting about a breakdown in communication it all boils down to one thing - understanding the other person’s needs and being able to appropriately communicate yours. How could something that simple be so hard?
Often times Ego and perception based on emotion can skew a person’s ability to have open and honest communication. I think we can all agree everyone who is human falls prey to that and when we start to form assumptions around another person, it leads to a deeper misjudgment and breakdown.
Active listening, clarification, and reflection are three tools you can use when communicating hot topics with your nanny so make time to sit down on a regular bases.
Don’t compare. Don’t ever compare your nanny to any previous childcare providers. It’s rude and shows that you gossip. Your nanny doesn’t want to hear you talk trash or praise a previous nanny.
Don’t Micromanage. It’s hard to let your nanny take charge and do her job but here is nothing worse than a parent who micromanages every little detail. Remember you are hiring her because she has the experience and that trust will only get stronger as time passes but don’t undermine her abilities or she will wonder why she was hired in the first place.
Don’t nickel and dime your nanny. When it comes to negotiating terms you want your nanny to be excited to join your family and feel like she is respected and appreciated for what she will be doing. Understand their range and expectations and find a way to meet them withing their ask. Negotiating down isn’t a good way to start off the relationship and may shorten the life of your partnership. If your nanny comes to the table to ask you for a raise for increased work, an annual raise or addition to the family make sure to have an open conversation and truly understand what she is looking for.
Don’t be insecure. Your children will bond with your nanny, it’s just how it works. Don’t be insecure and rude because of this. You want a harmonious relationship between your family and nanny, and bonding is a part of it. Don’t worry, your children and nanny know who is truly boss.
Don’t beat around the bush. If there is a problem, communicate it openly with your nanny. Don’t take sneaky or passive-aggressive approaches to the problem, it won’t solve anything.
Don’t change the agreed terms. You should have an agreement between you and your nanny. This agreement should include pay rate, paydays and job responsibilities. Don’t ever change this agreement without drawing up a new agreement.